I try to keep my posts fun and upbeat, without dragging any readers down into a non-fun place: people come to this blog to be entertained, not depressed.

But I use the blog to vent, blow off some steam every now and then: I express myself through writing, and as of right now, this is the best place to do so. It also comes with a warning: hopefully I can persuade at least one of you to not follow down the same path I'm on.

My Mama died today. 96 years old. Natural causes is what my mom called and told me this evening while at work.

I don't sit here and angrily curse God for this: my Mama and I were not especially close, and I know that her death isn't Gods way of trying to "get me."

Rather, I feel like kicking myself, because I missed so many opportunities to spend time with her. Each time I would come in from college, I'd find an excuse not to go see her. Whether it was me thinking I had no time, that she lived 15 miles out of town, or so on, I would rationalize not going to visit her.

And now, she is dead. Which forces me to remember all of those times when I made excuses to not go spend time with my Mama Hawkins. It forces me to remember every single lame excuse, and now I shudder at those choices. How could I be so foolish? How could I be so self-centered and stupid?

Mama lived by herself. Her husband passed away over 17 years ago. I think about how lonely she must have been out there in Parks, Arkansas.

I had no excuses, and I implore you to learn from this: please make every effort you can to go visit family members, especially elderly ones that could use some company.

Thank God she's in heaven, where loneliness is not a problem. God knows she didn't get many visitors in this life.

Love you Mama.