Why is SpongeBob SquarePants afraid of Detroit? Because Kwame Killed Patrick. (For those of you pining for funny pedagogy: Patrick is Sponge Bob's friend, and Kwame is the former Mayor of Detroit. His last name is Kilpatrick.)

On the news the other night Kwame, having just plead guilty to a number of felonies including perjury, resigned his office. Notably, he thanked his wife for standing alongside "a wretch like me". Is using this phrase, familiar to the hymn Amazing Grace, an act of humility?

No one likes to be called a wretch --even if they are calling themselves a wretch. Who knows what is in his heart? But by golly, he didn't even smooch his wife when she came up to stand beside him at this point! I'm a benign wife-smoocher and was shocked by this. Anyway, it is what we actually do that always trumps whatever it is we say. I'm Detroit Mike, new on the tcgsb.